User:Haycat2009/How to settle a feud

Sometimes edit wars become feuds between multiple users, and it is your turn to solve it. The question is how? Let this guide, based on toroidalet’s advise, help you. This guide is meant to be used after user:HerscheltheHerschel/How to stop an edit war’s advice.

Be nice

You have to be nice to people who are being mean to you, especially to people who are being mean to you. It is not easy, but you cannot make exceptions. You cannot make exceptions to not making exceptions. No exceptions at all. Only then will they know your desire for peace.

Why?

You may say that this is an unfair restriction, and why should you keep at it if other parties are unwilling to do the same? That is a good question.

It may be unfair, but you have to do it anyway. If you want not to get involved in pointless arguments, then you have to choose not to start pointless arguments, not to join pointless arguments, not to continue pointless arguments and to resolve pointless arguments in a peaceful way.

That's easy to say but harder to do. But you cannot make the other party stop. You can only make yourself stop, but they will certainly not stop if you do not. (Plus, if they are being mean and you are clearly not being mean, you make them look bad )

What next?

Show your next post to someone you know to see what they think of it. Is it furthering peace? (And if you are unwilling to show it to someone else, why post it?)

Write your next post without negative words at all. Not even words like "troll" or "accusation."

Read the next other party post as though it were written by someone who does not hate you. Spend as much effort as you can into twisting each comment and reinterpreting it in a non-hostile way. Assuming good faith always works.

Be assertive

I do not mean to suggest that you should completely eliminate disagreement and become a passive, smiling punching bag. Rather, disagreements should be expressed in a polite manner to avoid escalation into personal attacks and the development of grudges. There are also benefits to you personally, but those are just a bonus.

No self-harm

Sometimes users unintentionally troll themselves or blame themselves for the feud. You are not trolling any other members of the forum. You are only trolling yourself. Do you want to be trolled by yourself? You can choose to stop trolling yourself. You know what choice you have to make.

Forum peace

What kind of forum do you want? Ask this to yourself and others. Do to earn what you believe in. Follow the rules and all will be well.